Saturday, June 13, 2009

Dear Neighbor

I need a Zen moment like this chipmunk.  Why? Because our neighbors are driving us crazy.... 

Dear Neighbor (aka Rodeo),

I know that life is tough when you have Adult ADHD and other assorted conditions that cause you to use your leafblower approximately 18 hours a day for no purpose whatsoever than to blow non-existent dust off your driveway and into your yard, at which point you crank up your lawn vacuum (a new and very exciting toy for Rodeo) and suck up all the dirt and leaves in your yard.  And I know that you really LOVE hacking your trees and bushes apart with your various electric cutters, so that you can then repeat the leaf blower+lawn vacuum process.  And yes, I am sure there are many pieces of wood that then really must be sawed apart in your garage at 10PM.  

But, for the love of every human being within earshort (roughly 5 miles) of your machines and toys, can you just.....stuff it!!!!  

Dear Neighbor #2 (aka Crazy Guy)

Listen, I know some people are really dedicated to their Lawn Boy mowers.  It's a bit like a cult, I believe.  But when the day comes that you have to run the mower over each patch of grass roughly 15 times, I think the mower needs to be laid to rest.  When it takes you one hour and approximately 10 gallons of sweat to mow a patch of grass the size of my dining room table, I think that's a problem.

Dear Neighbor #3 (aka Guy We Like) 

Although it was slightly irritating for about a week when you had heavy equipment moving between a two-story-tall cement pile on the street  and your back yard multiple times a day, we now praise you for your very considerate gesture of paving over your entire backyard and creating some sort of entertainment masterpiece of tiered patios and assorted amenities such as a hot tub.  Pure genius!!

2 comments:

vegetablej said...

Jeesh, and I thought we had all the weird neighbors. They seem to live all over, those guys whose only joys are attacking nature, or the little piece they have managed to capture, and letting everyone see the courage of their warrior-like assaults. Just like other kinds of warriors these guys want to be obtrusive so everyone will notice their heroic efforts.They thrive on all the noise and confusion they can create. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the wife is probably slogging her way throufgh 95 per cent of the household work, silent and unseen. Want to know which one I think is the hero?

vegetablej said...

ps

Now I see why you are house hunting.

Cute chipmunk!